I saw this big-time instagram blogger mom who’s baby was born the same day as mine bragging about what a dream her one month old was. How he slept through the night and was already on a perfect schedule… and I got instant insta-anxiety. Do I fail as a mom because I don’t know what time my baby is going to want to eat? She gives her kid a bath every night? I don’t even have time to take a shower every day.
Put the baby on a schedule? I haven’t even blow dried my hair. I have, however, watched The Devil Wears Prada eighteen times while I’ve been glued to the couch with my boobs out, too scared to move in fear of waking him up. I’ve googled “normal baby poop” enough times to where it pops up in autocorrect. I make my mom sit in the backseat of the car with him so I can run into Target with sunglasses on to pick up nipple cream and a case of Diet Coke.
I still have 15 pounds to lose. I basically only eat pop tarts because it’s all I can manage with one hand. He literally LIVES on my boob (currently nursing as I type this). I haven’t slept more than three hours at a time since the day before they told me I needed to be induced. I can’t figure out if I have an oversupply or undersupply of milk, or if he’s allergic to dairy, or if he really just wants to eat ALL DAY.
I voluntarily watched Ghosts of Girlfriends Past and not even because I couldn’t find the remote, but because my brain can currently only process early 2000-era romantic comedies.
My whole body aches. From breastfeeding. Attempting to pump. Sleeping on the couch. Not sleeping. All of it.
I’ve cried on my baby during cluster feedings. I had an actual mental breakdown over melting a pacifier while trying to sterilize it. Everything I own smells like breast milk and, unless you’re my mom, I probably haven’t responded to your texts.
And that perfect instagram mom… well, it’s likely she’s either a witch or a liar. And it probably took her 2000 tries to get that one cute photo of her baby because the majority of mine look like this:
So cheers to fake internet lives that make us all feel like we are failing. Keeping your kid fed and in a clean diaper is hard enough. Just because you don’t have a leather rose gold stroller and you haven’t brushed your teeth today does not mean you aren’t doing a good job. We are ALL in survival mode when we aren’t living our best insta-lives .
And those sweet baby snuggles (even on three hours of sleep) is worth every second of stress and anxiety. I could sit and smell his little baby scent forever. We spend hours staring at the faces he makes while he sleeps, waiting for him to wake up so we can kiss on him again. And I know that today is the smallest he is ever going to be; so if we don’t get a bath in, didn’t take a perfectly lit outfit photo, and we miss our mid-day nap… it was 100% worth the extra snuggle time.
Here’s my portrait of a new mom: 6am, leaking breasts, four hours of non-consecutive sleep, second cup of coffee, really need to pee but can’t get up #momlife.